The Benefits of Insecurity

I left Mt Sinai in 2000 to what I believed to be another ministerial assignment. My father in the ministry had been discussing with me for some time to come help him as he was getting old and wanted to retire. I preached for him on a number of occasions on Sunday mornings, taught Wednesday Night Bible Study, and surprisingly enough, conducted a sermon preparation class for the ministerial staff.

The members of the church received me well. Yes, this was the church where I grew up, received my calling, preached me first sermon, sung my first song, play the drums, had my kiss, and so on. Many of the people that were members as a little boy were still members with new members too.

When my family and I arrived at the church things were going extremely well even while we missed being at Mt Sinai. The preaching, teaching, and worship atmosphere was totally different than what we were used to. Yet, I believed that this was my new assignment and realized that the adjustment was going to take some time.

After a couple of months, things took change for the worse. It had been announced that I was going to preach in a couple of weeks. I prepared myself to preach and when we pulled into the church parking lot for worship it was packed. The church had always possessed a strong membership but attendance started to dwindle because pastor couldn’t carry the preaching assignment due to sickness and age. When I entered into his office I was hit with a bombshell, he said: “I feel the Lord leading me to preach this morning!” I didn’t argue with him, he’s the pastor. I said; “Ok!”

It was time to preach and he stood. The people in the audience didn’t think anything of it until they noticed that his conversational tune changed to preaching. When he finished, he opened the doors of the church, we gave our tithes/offering, benediction, and we went home. Before dismissing, he explained to the church that he felt that God wanted him to preach but that I would preach next Sunday.

Well that didn’t happen, A packed church and another; “God is leading me to preach!” I didn’t argue, fuss, or anything. I gave my support and moved on as if it never happened. But this time the members weren’t so receptive. When he stood, I heard some the members say (supposedly whispering); “Wait, he said Clint was preaching. Why is he doing this to him?” But this time, he let me give the invitation, conduct the offering, and give the benediction. I didn’t preach I did exactly what he asked me to do.

When we got into the parking lot the conversation continued outside that started inside during the worship; “Why pastor didn’t let Clint preach?” I didn’t want my family to get caught up in parking lot confusion so we quickly got in the car and went home.

Needless to say, this experience hurt me pretty bad. Many broken promises and I really believed that God was calling me to a new assignment. He and I talked one afternoon over lunch. For me I thought things had been resolved but they weren’t. Again the announcement, “Clint will preach next week!” When we pulled into the parking lot, a packed church and another bombshell. But this time I was….yes, you got it. I wanted to leave but didn’t want to show any discord in front of the membership. I sat in the pulpit and trie my best to support the preaching. When the members saw him stand to preach they started walking out one by one. I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life.

We didn’t stay long as members so my family and I left!

This was not the first time something like this has happened to me. I was invited to preach at a church for an annual day and one of the committee members made a comment in front of their pastor and members; “Pastor Smith, preaches better than our pastor!” I looked at the pastor and he was angry about the comment and I felt weird sitting there. I have not been invited back.

I have questions, are there personal insecurities? Are we insecure about our ministry? Are we threatened by the ministry of another pastor/preacher? Do we have an inferiority complex because of the size of our church? Or, are we afraid that some of our members may leave because of the ministry of a visiting pastor? Have we held onto pastoral ministry for so long that the church has become our prized possession rather than a place for ministry?

Pastoral insecurity is an enemy to ministry progress and success.

Gary Emery in his article entitled “Pastoral Insecurity” says:

“Pastoral ministry wasn’t designed to be easy but I have to wonder if our Western-brand needlessly and unnecessarily pushes us into that insecurity mode all too often. I mean where else do you get to hang your old face out in front of a crowd of people each week and try to say something coherent (let alone cogent)? Where else, except perhaps in politics, does your entire constituency feel the freedom (if not the responsibility to scrutinize your every decision, habit, or nose hairs? Maybe that’s what Paul was talking about when he said “I die daily”. I think it’s much more healthy (and honest!) to simply acknowledge that leadership has a way of drawing out all our insecurities rapidly and continuously. As each insecurity comes to the surface we have a choice whether to allow it to dominate our decisions or mindset. I have a choice to grow in grace or justify my smallness of character”.

However, I believe our insecurities can be a good thing. Why?

First, it keeps us focused. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you (I Timothy 4:16). One way to avoid insecurity is to insure you’re doctrinally sound. Before a funeral, I sat in my office with one of the sons First Goodwill. He expressed to me that he was having trouble with his assistant pastor’s teaching on God’s permissive will. His assistant pastor does not believe in God’s permissive will but believes that bad things happen outside of the realm of God’s control and Satan is the initiator of all bad things. He wasn’t sure if the bible discussed God’s permissive will and from all indications he was shooting from the hip to defend his convictions. His membership was leaning towards the teaching of the assisting pastor resulting in disharmony amongst leadership and membership. I had just preached a sermon a week earlier on God’s Sovereignty and gave him a pamphlet on God’s sovereignty help him defend his convictions. I believe when you’re doctrinally unstable you leave yourself wide open for feelings of insecurity. I appreciate the fact that he had enough confidence in me to ask the question and I thank God for what I was able to do to help him.

Second, it keeps us humble. I think sometimes we should become insecure in ministry to keep our egos to a minimum. I don’t know one person who doesn’t experience ego tripping. My grandfather would say to me when I started my ego trips, “Boy, don’t get too big for your britches!” It helps sometimes to experience feelings of inadequacy to remind us that we’re fallible humans.

Third, it shows our maturity. Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). People that are insecure can really act childish. People are watching every area of our lives and before they acknowledge the good, they’ll pay more attention to our childish actions.

Fourth, be thankful for your gift. Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecies spoken to you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you (1 Timothy 4:14). God’s has placed within us special gifts that no one can exactly like we can do it for the season He wants us to do it in. I’m learning to thank God each day for my gift. I might not be the voice of the day as a world-wide evangelist but God has given me a voice for my church. I may not be able sing like Donnie McClurkin, Marvin Winans, Marvin Sapp, or any well-known gospel artist but I do have the gift of song. You get the point! Thank God for your giftedness and develop it.

Fifth, acknowledge your limitations. I will say that it’s not always a good thing to tell people, “I don’t know but I’ll get back to you” and in the same way it’s not good to think you know everything, either. We all have limitations, weaknesses, and faults that need improvement. I requested some help on Facebook in regards to my need for pastoral covering. The feedback was great and challenged me to keep praying and seeking God about the issue. One response suggested that I develop friendship with pastors to help me in areas of my weakness. I know my weaknesses and I’m not as smart as it seems, God knows how to make up the difference.

I was inspired to write this article after a conversation I had with an out-of-town pastor last night. I think our potential for church networking suffers because of our insecurities and hang-ups. There are pastors, churches, and members who can benefit from one another in an effort to build the kingdom of God.

Don’t let the negative response to insecurities keep you from being a blessing to someone else. God has greatest on the inside of you! Let it out!